After the main race, two Australian seagulls, Baza and Gaza, sit on a fence at Phillip Island…
crazy “Hey Magpie!”
Mapi: “Gdei Baza! Did you see the race?”
crazy (ruffling his feathers) “I bloody did! That Marquez Blake Rocket was going fast with his whip attached to it! Think he could take the wind and still beat us!”
Mapi: (falling down the road) “Dead room. He was a fair ignorant fly. If I tried to keep up with em, I’d be flatter than a frog on the freeway, eh? Bloody hell, I think I felt a feather rise when he ripped. He’s not a stoner,” he said.
crazy (Looking at Gaza suspiciously) You’re too young to see a stoner around here. You’re dragging a recalcitrant mate.
Mapi: “Nar, m’old man saw him. He was so fast that by the time he heard the bike it was too late – flies scattered everywhere. It’s not luck.”
crazy “Crikey! Good job that bastard is no more”.
Mapi: “Your father?”
crazy “Narr Daft Wancher, Stoner! The old man is gone though.
Mapi: “Ah shame. What happened to your old gal? Bird flu?”
Crazy (Looking up at the sky): “Nar, there’s nothing strange about that. He was hit by a tour truck while searching for debris in the southern loop. Gone faster than the kookaburra’s laugh…”
Mapi: “Difficult. What about that start? Marquez spins around like he’s lost every last bit!”
crazy “Yes, mate, he made me fill up on the joint too! I thought I was going to get up without thinking!”
Mapi: “Looks like it’s spun on its own wiz!”
crazy “no way!”
Mapi: “It’s true that I mentioned Mshella in the nest mate!”
crazy “Why did he do that? Didn’t he see the Australian Litter Act?”
Mapi: “Looks like there was a big mistake on the lookout! By all accounts, the size of a Wallabie ball bag.”
Crazy (it is my pleasure): “Suppose it still exists? I love Spatchuck Super Harassment!”
Mapi: “Guess what! There’s more guts in the fish market than a pelican.”
crazy “Wow these bikes work, Crikey! Noisier than a chicken in a walking crowd.
Mapi: (laughs) “Dude, those engines look like they swallowed angry bees. I personally don’t ‘avin’ any of these bikes. I’ll be the fastest dome in Oz, no doubt.”
crazy (laughs) “You? On a bike? Gaza, you’d be at the store like a gust of wind! I bet you’d sooner end up wrapped in ‘Stop by Grandma’ than say ‘Joan Mir.’
Mapi: (smile) “Oh, come out! I will not fall from all races like him! And I’ll be more natural than morbidly! You need to lean in just like their friends, right? Easy as pie, mate. Mind you, I thought I’d look better in a lady o’ sunnies and a leather jacket, eh? Be a real tough guy—big bad Gazza the Seagull Racer. Just like Doohan!
crazy “No fur? Yes, but you need to tape your feathers, or at full throttle it looks like a choke in a cyclone. Remember that strange encounter at Bondi and when you almost flipped into the ocean to recommend a sausage sanga?”
Mapi: (feathers blown) “Oh, that was a sneaky stranger, okay? It could have happened to anyone! But seriously, do you see Mark around Lucky Heights? The Blackie was heavy on Centrelink Day! His shoulder was so close to the ground, he thought he’d roll a dead rabbit off the track.
crazy (shaking his head) “He was mad as a cut snake. The bike was dumped on the Kuji beach like a sunset. And then he just gassed up, bent straight like a fish to a fish. His pass on Martin had Mbok hanging on, that’s for sure.”
Mapi: “Tell me what, my friend, if I had the talent I wouldn’t waste my time on ‘Nickin’ chips. I love big bucks, a lounge somewhere with all-you-can-eat calamari, live the dream!”
crazy (laughs) “Yes, and I would be your friend, your manager. I handle all the hard stuff – sponsorship deals, autograph signings, keeping fans away from you. Meanwhile, ‘you ride around the world, you got it’.
Magpie: “Very correct! You want to rock the stage, wings spread wide, trophy in one claw and bag of chips in the other. We used to talk to each other.
crazy (smile) “A bag of chips? My friend, I bet they’d ask for a whole fish shop to go with it. What do you think of George Martin? Consider it in the bag or what? He is now 20 points ahead of Bagnaya.
Mapi: (thinking) “Oh yeah, there’s no drama to it….except that Mark tried to find his past Foster! Martin is always smooth as a possum’s belly, no wobbly, no drama.
crazy “You’re not wrong, mate. Peko was not in the same race this weekend. He’s never fared well here. I don’t think pasta is enough!”
Mapi: (nodding) “After the race, he blamed Alex Marquez for pushing his ass in Indonesia! That’s why he’s so far behind in the championship,” he said.
crazy (laughter) “Blaming the Marquez family? He definitely graduated from VR46 Academy!
Mapi: (still laughing) “With flying colors! Strength though! Did you see Beza and Vinales fall yesterday? We almost had lunch! Worse than that, we got into some bloke’s hat and almost got roadkill.”
crazy “Jeez, Louise! Mav’s mad!”
Magpie: “More than a block away, Trina steals pedestrians from crowded roosters. I wouldn’t even come close to it. Guess Mave must have a few kangaroos let loose in the upper paddock, eh?”
Crazy “Very correct. Our complete Miller was a little disappointing. I am not sure why there is a corner named after him.”
Mapi: “Yes. But the KTMs were all slow. It’s a shame to see our bikes struggling.”
crazy “Our bikes?”
Mapi: “Yes, they’re Australian.”
crazy “Oh Strout Gaza! You are a dead drongo! They are Austrian!! That’s somewhere else – at least on the other side of the island!”
Mapi: “I’ve always wondered why Jack rides them! It makes me feel good. Shame Acosta didn’t board today. I heard it raise its wings, good and proper.
crazy “That boy, I’ve got some skills – but he’ll fail more than a trick caught in a windstorm!”
Mapi: “Yes, but they had nothing in terms of skill, baza. We’ve been doggin’ fishin’ lines for years, out of mid-air Snachenchin chips, and out of ice cream kids. We are the real deal!”
crazy “That’s right, mate! We’re the top of the food chain—well, when it comes to Nikki’s stuff, anyway.”
Mapi: (nodding) “Ah, speaking of Nikki, I’m hungry! I’ve been watching these puppies tear it down all day, and I don’t get a scrap to my name. We went down to the food stall and guess what we were in for.
crazy (getting up to fly) “No mate. Head to the track to see if I can find that super bug stuck in Mark’s vision!”
Mapi: (watching it fly) “Hold on!”
The third bay comes in just as the bike is flashing.
Mapi: “Gdei Taza!”
Trophy: “Hey Magpie!”
Mapi: (looks shocked) “Crikey, Taza, did you see that bloke tear straight through? Fair ignorance, I thought I had lost a feather, my friend! Who was that?”
Trophy: “That was Stoner’s mate! Doing some promo rounds!”
Mapi: “Stoner? Oh my gosh…Baza is there! Grab m’stubbie Tazza! Bazz!! Baza!!”
In loving memory
