In the last few years, MotoGP championship celebrations have reached a new level of silliness – what used to be splashing champagne and waving flags has turned into a full-blown circus.
The issue is that every champion wants to win the ultimate…but is limited by the fact that they cannot be sure of winning. So while the ambition increases, the logistics and costs remain the same, allowing us to maintain an elementary school birthday play level production.
Step forward George Martin – also, unfortunately, known as “The Martinator”.
We, like everyone else outside of George’s ‘yes men’ circle, think ‘Martinator’ is a god-awful nickname. Bradley Smith’s sick hair is almost as bad as his nickname, “Ginger Ninja,” which lasted about 30 minutes before he completely fell out.
Martin’s scary nickname was given to him by his father. However, just because your dad gave you a nickname doesn’t mean you have to stick with it as an adult. “You ugly, useless wat” was a nickname often aimed at Max Verstappen by his loving and doting father Joss – but Max didn’t need to sew on the kit.
But for his part, George still went with the “Martinator” theme and gave us a £1.50 Terminator tribute that makes John Conner change his hairstyle.
So what are the reasons why it is so bad? Let’s find out together…
keep out
For the occasion, George went into the cardboard box first, leaving us to wait to see what would happen. Sadly, the answer was ‘nothing for ages’.
So we were forced to watch for nothing to happen – this was a surprising last boot in the teeth for a race and a season we wanted to persevere with. After a few minutes the TV producers got bored and gave us some photos of the crew members checking their watches to see if they didn’t celebrate or if the crowd missed the last paella house.
But, a few months later, the Spaniard removed the gaffer’s tape from the cardboard doorknob and…
New skins
George changed into some one-off skins to maximize the Terminator effect. This is what took so long. Unfortunately, the skins probably had to be ‘okay’ with the team and their sponsors, meaning that the new kit is identical to the regular skins. In fact, it was almost impossible to see the difference without using an electron microscope.
In short, Martin took to changing back into what he was already wearing.
The mask
George emerged from a smoking cardboard box dressed in a half-man, half-machine hastily bought form from Poundland. It was less convincing than Luca Marini’s “Honda great again” speech.
After wearing the mask for a couple of seconds, the Spaniard threw it away – perhaps the rubber band on it was hurting his ears. And that was it.
The garbage
Martin also threw a £1 paper mask on the floor and dropped half a can of Red Bull onto the gravel. We’re not exactly sure what this means, but unless he moves, we’re pretty sure Joan Mir will hit it off next year.
The icebox is exploding.
Okay, this was a bit too good. At least the explosion… the part where George gets shot was pretty shocking.
A general feeling of frustration
As for the 2024 MotoGP season, we’re left wondering if it’s worth the wait.
A better option
We at MotoGPNews have a lot of great ideas. We just stole Gary McCoy’s banana tire swing and chased us down the street with his lips curled in anger. So, using what we’ve learned from years of annoying people on the internet, we’ve come up with the best way The Martinator can celebrate:
- They stopped the Ducati, doused it in gasoline and set it on fire along with helmets, gloves and lasers.
- Enter a large, cheap-looking cardboard box filled with smoke.
- Riding the big gold number one Aprilia after a frustrating time bursting out of the box.
- Jump off the bike and grapple with a Luigi D’alignan mannequin in an ill-fitting gray wig and monobrow in permanent marker. Win the battle and kick the defeated mannequin in the face several times before throwing it into the fire.
- Hit up Carl Fogarty’s cardboard cutouts to create a ‘funky look’ in the process.
- Come back to the Aprilia garage and celebrate the victory with them alone.
