In a surprise announcement on Monday morning, the USA announced that the models of Golf Ball 2025 manufacturers have all been secretly the new “wrapped” golf ball.
The shocking discovery was made by the USA VP of the Golf Ball Guide Isaac Mark Andrew Killjoy IV at a press conference in Diner Chit Chat in West Orange, a Killyi told the press corpus that the new ball has, unbearable for players, has been on the shelves of the store since the beginning of January.
“We wanted to tell the players they were crying for nothing,” Killjoy told journalists between his nutella and Bacon bite bites, a specialty of the chat dinner. “You used the ball wrapped for three months and everyone thought the lack of their distance meant they needed a new driver.”
Killjoy said the stolen participation was the work of a new USGA working group called justice according to new standards, uniform controls, knowledge and regulations.
“Funsuckr really lived up to her name,” Killjoy laughed as she continued fuel loading with a plate of carrot cake waffles. “Thanks to the work of this group, we have retained the honor, integrity and spirit of the game going behind the back of every golf.”
Why are you doing this USA?
USGA announced at the end of 2023 that he intended to return the golf ball starting in 2028 for the benefits of the tournament and 2030 for recreation players. The reasoning was that because the best players in the world in seven big professional golf tournaments were, in the opinion of the USGA, hitting the ball far away, the players of all skills will have to play a golf ball that will not go so far, no matter how difficult it hit it.
To support the return, USGA mentioned its remote studies for PGA Tour. This study found that since 2002, the average distance of tournament has increased by 11 yards.
“That’s 33 meters, people,” Killjoy explained, between bites of a bagel with Lox and a Schmear. “Our sworn duty to defend the game. I mean, what could be more magical than watching an 18-Handicapper trying to repent a 5-Herkuri on a right top? C’mon, man, that would be funny as hell to see.”
Funsuckr worked behind the scenes, often at night and mostly in the back alleys, encouraging the “golf cannon makers make good decisions”, as Killjoy describes.
“We brought some really good Felas, most of them from right here to Jersey,” Killjoy says, as the waiter brought him another specialty of conversations, godfather. “They have this compelling ability to do the right thing.”
Liv player Phil Mickelson reportedly had a meeting with several working group members during the winter. He is quoted, out of the record, from mygolfsky correspondent Alan Shipnuck saying they were “some scary entertainment”.
What about non-conform golf balls?
While Killjoy passed the bill for his breakfast, which included a cleaning in Rye to go (“Hey, a guy should eat”, he told the media collected), about a charming golf correspondent, he was asked what he intended to do USGA for players who still have many non-conforming golf balls or what they refer to “.
“We’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse,” he said. “USA is prepared to buy all the non-conform golf balls there for $ 10 in dozen. We suggest they get it if you know what I mean.”
To facilitate the purchase plan, the USGA is forming an activist working group, called specialists for using ball progress aimed at mocking wild rules (ballbusters). Ballbuster agents will be placed in public and private golf courses. Their task, says Killjoy, will be “encouraging” players to return to their non -conforming balls of golf “before an accident happens.”
More new campaigns
To help in a new public relations campaign and marketing to make the players, as Killjoy says, “to rest from their voices”, the USA is starting two initiatives on the ground. The first involves empowering USGA sympathizers in digital golf media through a new partnership program. It will be called the chosen creators and organizations of the internet content that preserve national history and treasures (siccophants). This group will give up daily memories that USA loves players, cares for them and knows what is best for them, whether they are liked or not.
The second initiative will be responsible for re-education of young players with experience and pre-programming. This initiative is called the common knowledge, integrity and sense needed to help the basic attitudes and reduce long attackers, or kiccnthballs.
“We think that both groups tell a lot of the story of what we are trying to do for players,” Killjoy explained. “We feel that Sickofants will help us use the media to strengthen our agenda and not confuse players with other facts and stupidity. The media can be very cooperative, especially when we reward them with us open credentials in exchange for their services, UH,”
“And seriously, what does ‘USA’ say better than a good kiccnthballs?”
Other initiatives
To further fight the increasing distance epidemic, the USA is also unilaterally instead of hitting the Golf Ball 300-plus yard straight and on the right road, and at least near it, will now be officially classified as “not a skill”.
“Golf is a game of skills,” Killjoy says. “How much skills do you need to hit the 300-plus yard ball straight and on the right path every time? We feel it maintains the integrity of the game to force players to fight every club in the bag.”
When a reporter, believed to be a correspondent of Mygolfs, Sean Fairholm, noticed that 99 percent of the players there could not hit the 300-plus yard ball toward or in the right way even in half the time, he was quickly removed from the chit chat. Fairholm, ironically one of those players who already struggles with every club in the bag, was last seen filling in the luggage of a black sedan of the late model. Its current location is not known.
To further maintain the integrity and legacy of the game, the USA is strongly considering a revised dress code. The new code would require players at all levels to “return to the roots of the game” by wearing plus-four, news hats, jackets and ties.
“It worked for Bobby Jones,” Killjoy said. “Golf is a skill game. Anyone can hit a ball wearing comfortable, moist or shorts like those liv mamalukes. Let’s see what happens when they have to wear Burlap in August. “
Purchase program
As mentioned, USGA is offering to buy your “good” non-conforming golf balls. They will pay $ 10 for any Pro V1, Z-Star, Tour B, TP5, Chrome Tour or any other tournament level dozen you send. Direct balls to customers will be paid $ 5 per dozen. Fifteen packages of noodles will receive a $ 1.37 coupon for USGA gift store.
You can post your non-conform golf balls to USGA at the following address:
United States Golf Association
77 The way of the angle of freedom
Freedom corner, one 07938
ATTN: IMA KILLJOY
“I’m proud of the work we are doing to maintain the integrity of the game,” Killjoy says. “I am the fourth generation of Killjoy to serve usga. I feel a kinship with everyone involved in these initiatives. In some way, all of us here in USA are killjoys in the heart.”
Killjoy, who is approaching retirement age, was asked what he thinks will be his legacy for golf game.
“When people think about what we have done to save our excellent game, I want them to think killjoy. When they think of funsuckrs, ballbusters and a good kiccnthballs, I want them to think killjoy.
“And when they think killjoy, I want them to think about USA.”
office USGA says the wrapped golf balls are now law-notes the “Buy-Back” program for non-conforming balls first appeared in MygolfSSS.
