This weekend will see the exciting climax of the exciting 2024 MotoGP season. Super Spaniard Jorge Martin is 24 points ahead of reigning champion Peco Bagnaia, giving the Primark Ducati rider a clear lead.
So how can Bagnaya steal the championship? Fraud!
Now the Bologna-based team aren’t afraid to bend the rules every now and then to gain an unfair advantage. However, to bring back a Ducati like this, they need inspiration from their Italian compatriots – the Ferrari F1! And we’re talking all about the “Michael Schumacher and Ross Braun” years.
So we at MGPN have compiled a list of the top six ways Ducati cheat their way to victory – it’s the sweetest kind of victory!
Tires
Tires are absolutely wet in MotoGP. Michelin helped make this season one of the worst in living memory because they overheated and their black ring looked as thin as the front tire.
But it’s not just their crappy front tires that can ruin a MotoGP race, the Surrender Monkey company also has a history of delivering inconsistent quality. For reasons unknown, any rider can complete a seed-ruining ‘duff one’ at any time during the weekend, effectively spoiling the seed – or, in Joan Mir’s case, causing it to fall early.
But what if a duff wheel was ‘accidentally’ presented to George Martin on race day? It happened ‘accidentally’ last year when the Spaniard was trying to win the championship from Bagnaia. At that point, Peco said, duff tires don’t matter…unless he can find one.
Can lightning strike twice in Martin’s groin? A large bag of cash and a vat of coq au vin dumped outside Michelin’s HQ can help make this random event a random target.
Level of waste fraud 
Morbidelli to give to ‘Capirossi’
If there’s one thing Franco Morbidelli is really good at, it’s certainly not MotoGP. But he may be clashing with other drivers while showing a general ‘out of his depth’ attitude. ‘Frankie Special’, in turn, can see the Italian carrying the chair conveniently crossing over to the tragic corpse of George Martin.
“But wait,” you piper, “why would Franco help a rival team? Surely he always helps the team that pays him and the best bike on the grid when he shouldn’t? Surely there’s no evidence of that?”
Well actually there is. In the year In 2022, Morbidelli was Fabio Quartarararo’s partner. Unsurprisingly, the Italian has been outclassed by the French rider throughout the season, falling to 19Th Put it on the factory Yamaha. Fabio, on the other hand, was in a championship match with Bagnaia. In the final at Valencia, Catarraro needed to win the race and the challenger finished tenth and bottom to retain the title.
Peco was very nervous during the run and was much slower than his usual pace. So slow, in fact, that he found himself in 9th at the end of the raceTh place and made Franco close it.
In 2022 – 9Th The spot would have been Morbidelli’s second best result – so will he be aiming to end the season on a less embarrassing note? No. Just over a second off the pace, fellow VR46 Neverland Ranch chum Bagnaia would make sure to finish ahead of him in 9th.Th And in doing so, he gave the factory Yamaha team one last kick in the teeth.
Level of waste fraud
Enter Marc Marquez
Every year at 8Th In the year In November, many small communities around Italy The “Parata della Corsa del Diavolo” makes light of Valentino Rossi’s tragic loss of the championship and unites the nation in their collective hatred of the Spanish antichrist, Marc Marquez.
Italy will not be forgotten.
With that in mind, we’re not sure what impact Marquez will have on the Bagnaya Moghe Championship, or why. But a wildcard has never been marked in MotoGP competition this year. One thing is for sure, if Marquez helps Peco win it will be a very confusing time for the Italians.
Level of waste fraud
Adjust the engine
These past few races have shown Bagnaia’s Ducati GP24 to be faster than George Martin’s ‘similar but somehow different’ bike. Not that it helped much.
Because of this and the huge deficit Bagnaia has to step back, it may be time for the tricky Bologna-based team to remotely tune George’s GP24 with a tricky software update. Obviously, it will only be during the tournament, making sure the team doesn’t doubt anything. We believe the code looks like this:
// Add sneaky underhand detune if (date.Now() == "2024-11-17") { // Reduce power to 90% bike.no(89).maxPower = (default.maxPower * 0.9); } // Foggy smells
Primark Ducati will have no comment on this matter and, as they board for Yamaha next season, Team Ducati will be less concerned about upsetting them at an astronomical level.
Level of waste fraud
James Toseland Grid Walk Interview
Now that the World Superbike season is over, there is a fear among MotoGP controllers that James Tosland might somehow grow up in Catalonia and start telling everyone how amazing Toprak Razgatlioğlsdfnklasdfj is. But how did the piano-playing dullard get past security? A real paddock pass!
Given the opportunity to introduce a new group of disinterested Torac enthusiasts, Ducati could simply invite James over and then safely store it away in some shipping container. Then on Sunday, when the MotoGP riders are on the grid, the Englishman can let loose and tell you at Ducati that George Martin is keen to hear more about any special Turkish talents.
The result will be inevitable. Even the most focused mind goes into ‘Safe mode’ after only a few minutes of Toseland’s hit single. Such an onslaught will undoubtedly cause enough mental fatigue to see George Martin struggle to stay alert in the opening rounds.
Level of waste fraud
Corona virus
Our sixth and final entry, Shadow of the Shadows, could already be done, and it’s the trickiest…
Remember covid? The oriental infection that stopped the world, forcing us to follow strict rules that our leaders themselves did not follow? Well it never went away.
Now we’ve all used the coronavirus as an excuse to get out of bed. Have a boring christening or birthday coming up? Then play the “I tested positive” card. Not only does it give you a free pass to skip any boring event, but it also makes you look good by ‘thinking of others’.
But there is a more sinister side to this air-breathing body. Imagine if a MotoGP team, the factory Ducati as a completely random example, contaminated a rider from a rival team? Then, with a small financial deal with the authorities, they can call for random covid testing for all drivers and team members. Anyone who fails the test will be kicked out of the paddock.
But how can a random team like Factory Ducati infect another team? Easy! Dress him in a simple Hanhan lab resident Ducati suit, give him an old laptop and send him to check out George Martin’s bike… Two weeks later – infections all around!
Level of waste fraud
