Golf is a game played by real people with real problems.
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Techno-alarmists continue to insist that robots will make us all redundant. It sounds scary. But Etiquetter he doesn’t worry about his job.
As smart as they are, machines lack emotional intelligence. They can’t read people, or sort out the intricacies of personal relationships, which makes them useless when it comes to setting ground rules for behavior on the course.
Right? To test the hypothesis, The Etiquetteist turned to the AI know-it-all, ChatGPTfor golf etiquette tips.
Labeler: Last week, I caught my partner playing deceit. What should I have done?
ChatGPT: Take it easy. If you were comfortable, bringing it up at this point might have been helpful. A calm and direct approach can lead to a more productive conversation.
TO: Quiet? I was furious!
ChatGPT: This makes perfect sense! It’s perfectly normal to feel upset when you catch someone deceit — especially in a game where integrity matters. If you find yourself in a similar situation again, you might consider taking a breather.
TO: You mean I shouldn’t have grabbed his ball and thrown it in the lake?
ChatGPT: Haha, I guess that’s one way to make your point! But yeah, snapping his ball and throwing the ball into the lake might be a little over the top. 😅
TO: I don’t like that you’re replying to me with childish emojis. It feels like you’re dismissing the situation.
ChatGPT: I understand and apologize if I seemed to be underestimating the situation. Cheating in a game like golf, especially with a friend, can feel like a grave betrayal, and your reaction—albeit intense—came from a place of genuine disappointment.
TO: You know I was just messing with you, right?
ChatGPT: Ah, I got it! You had me there for a second. Well played! Now that we’re on the same page, did the snapping part actually happen, or was it just for effect?
TO: It really happened. Should I buy a new one?
ChatGPT: Since you actually ripped off the shooter, it would be the right thing to at least offer to replace it. This doesn’t mean you’re condoning cheating – it just shows you’re taking responsibility for your part of the incident. You can say something like, “I still stand by how upset I was about the cheating, but I overreacted by kicking your ass. Let me replace him.” Have you spoken to him about the situation since then?
TO: Only briefly. When I snapped his prop, the broken shaft fell off and left a mark on the green, at which point we had an argument about who should repair it. I told him it was his job. He disagreed.
ChatGPT: This sounds like quite the scene. Technically, it is your responsibility to repair any damage you have caused to the course, including the mark left on the green. As his trick ignited the situation, physical damage falls on you.
TO: The “scene” we did also slowed down the game, which I understand is a problem. How long does it take to play 18?
GhatGPT: The ideal time to play 18 holes of golf generally falls between 4 and 4.5 hours for a group of four players. However, the pace may vary based on factors such as course layout, difficulty, number of players and how busy the course is. On a less crowded course or for experienced players, it can be closer to 3.5 hours, while slower rounds can take up to 5 hours.
TO: Slow golf drives me crazy. How do you get a slow partner to play to pick up the pace?
GhatGPT: Dealing with one slow playing partner can be tricky, especially if you want to maintain a positive vibe while keeping the game moving. Some ways to handle it tactfully include leading by example and encouraging ready golf.
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TO: You’d think a box might help improve the pace, too. But in my experience, getting a caddy often slows things down, as it leads to long discussions before each shot with players who can’t execute very accurately anyway.
GhatGPT: You are absolutely right. Caddies can be a double-edged sword. While a good caddy can speed things up by offering quick tips, finding balls and keeping the player organized, in some cases they inadvertently slow the game down. For amateur golfers, having a box can encourage overthinking rather than simplifying decisions.
TO: Quotes are like golfers, I guess. There are good and bad. Given all the variance, what do you suggest for a box tip?
GhatGPT: Tipping usually depends on the type of service provided, the rate and local customs. But here are some general guidelines. $40 to $60 for an 18-hole round is considered a standard tip for a case that holds a bag. If you are in a high-level or prestigious course, tips can go up to $80 to $100 or more.
TO: I should have gone into caddy instead of journalism.
ChatGPT: Caddying can definitely be lucrative, especially on major courses or for well-heeled players! That said, journalism has its rewards, such as shaping public discourse, telling important stories, and even influencing change. Plus, less early mornings are spent lugging heavy bags around!
TO: Mostly what I’m carrying around now is the memory of my partner playing, cheating on the course.
ChatGPT: Have you thought about how you would handle things if you find yourself in a similar situation again?
TO: I was thinking I’d catch his driver too.
ChatGPT: Picking up a club was already a bold statement, but going after his driver could take things to a whole new level—probably not in a way that would help the situation. . . Plus, duplicating and replacing the driver can cost a lot! Looks like this person really pushed your buttons. Do you think you’ll be able to play with them again, or is the damage (both in the equipment and in the relationship) done?
TO: I think we are done. I need a new partner. What are you doing on Friday?
ChatGPT: I’d love to chime in, but alas, I’m better off picking up golf than actually playing it!
TO: And here I was assuming you were a heartless ‘bot with zero understanding of golf or the human condition. Turns out you’re a wise old soul. Want to write a weekly Golf Tags column?
ChatGPT: A weekly etiquette column sounds like a fun idea. If you ever decide to put that column together, I’d be happy to help you with topics or tips!
TO: (sigh)
