At Silverstone, Ducati set up their mind-numbing seventh consecutive podium finish. To add even more desperation to the situation, every race but one this stinking season has been won by a Ducati GP24 machine. If MotoGP was a fruit it would somehow be a potato.
When will this rotten parade of conformity stop? And how does it end? who knows? But in an effort to keep the power under our heavy eyelids, we at MGPN have quickly rounded up six of the main reasons why Ducati’s podium locks may or may not end up in Austria.
Special rear tire
There’s a saying in France: “When the going gets tough, the locals drink coffee and hide until the tough get somebody else’s credit” – which was also the title of a not-so-successful Billy Ocean song.
And this classic French philosophy transfers well to the Michelin tire company. why? Well, the Red Bull Ring is basically three long, bent uprights arranged in a triangle-like arrangement based on discarded spaghetti. The unique primitive design results in high speeds and high loads on the tires… and it collapses under such pressure as a standard ’39 French effort.
So a new special, red banded tire (probably made by the heroes at Dunlop) is on the move in Austria…which will be of no use to Ducati. But it is unlikely.
KTM test track
KTM has a strong relationship with Red Bull. There’s nothing today’s youth loves more than stealing 125 Dukes of their favorite energy drinks while high on sugar and caffeine. But fear not – it’s not their fault, it’s not ADHD or hamburgers or something they brought on from drinking too much Red Bull and stealing KTM Dukes.
With such intertwined connections, the Austrian motorcycle firm uses the Red Bull ring as their test track. And they do.
Apparently, under the microscope, Dani Pedrosa has completed so many laps around the track that he can now turn right after getting out of bed in the morning.
All of this means that KTM should have some home advantage over the foreigners this weekend. But is it enough? Probably not.
Zarco vs Morbidelli 2nd round
Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.
Hitler’s resistance
It is comforting to know that the entire planet is going into ignorance and rapidly devolving into anarchy. Not content with so many offensive wars, the rest of the world is being divided politically by being bigger and more rebellious than anything Lizzo can bring to the table.
There’s never been a better time for some cheeky neo-Nazis to get together for some right-wing shenanigans. And what better place to start than the spiritual home of mein führer himself?
If that happens, and we see no reason why it shouldn’t, the rogue Overwatch Organization may choose to ‘arrest’ any white-haired, blue-eyed rider… leading to a famous default win for Brad Binder.
Weather
Humans aren’t the only ones on the planet who are wild and irresponsible. Not knowing whether the weather, the adverbs were ‘wet/wet’, ‘windy/windy’ or ‘difficult/difficult’, he decided to spring into action, making whatever hell he wanted. And if you don’t like it, it’s a hate crime. (Unfortunately, by the time this article is posted, this could easily be a thing).
Even though it’s the middle of summer, there’s a chance the weather might be wrong in Nashmarth, so he decides to shed tears of hatred on the poor people at the Red Bull Ring.
Unfortunately, Ducati, like all others, shines in the wet. However, there is always the mathematical possibility of a spectacular first corner crash (which occurred at Morbidelli) that could comfortably take down the Ducati riders.
Yodeling
Now we all know that all Austrians love to yodel. He attends schools in Austria and places where missing Nazi stolen gold may be found. Yodeling’s origins are buxom in the days of the pig, when Austrian wives would travel to the mountains to fetch bottles of milk. Often the husbands (who are a few Steins) forget to put the schnitzels in the oven while the wives collect the milk, so they developed yodelling techniques as a way of communication.
We’re not sure how yodeling will negatively affect the Ducati’s perfect run, but we’re grasping at straws here.
